I’m glad you enjoyed it, i really tried. Think I got Reid’s cadence a little off but I am exhausted from 10 hours of formulation of ideas, hating them, restarting, writing, editing and posting. And the piece that made me smile was finding the theme song on Spotify. That took all of thirty seconds.🤷♂️Thanks Kry5tyn, i needed this. Just to get out of my own head a little bit. I’ll send you the collab notes tomorrow I’m exhausted. - Shain
Shain, I really liked this piece. It’s like a closet drama (if I’ve got that right), with characters that have distinct voices, and a literally metaphorical theme that piques my philosophical interest. Your opening hook section is an excellent opener, priming us for the scenes to come. I’ve included more thoughts below:
I’m not sure what “The BAU” is (whether you clarify in the opening or later in the piece is up to you, just letting you know).
Morgan’s clarification regarding molting (“Or bones”) is foreshadowing par excellence.
Scene two reads more like telling than showing. (Then again, it’s almost necessary at points given the form and that it’s the second scene.)
This line from Rossi is delightful: “It doesn’t scream panic—it whispers design.”
The metaphor trail JJ and Reid discover is an intriguing idea. It does have a bit of jargon that might risk losing less familiar readers. You might consider having a character ask for a more clear explanation. Prentiss does this to a certain extent towards the end of the scene.
You cruelly leave us on a cliffhanger (well done on that front). Overall, nice work. There are some moments where the metaphorical/symbolic/shedding/motif description gets a tad repetitive, but if you do a little trimming you’ve got yourself a gripping first part of something I think could be a most impressive work.
Also, just a heads up, when I read “SPF” anywhere, I immediately think of sunscreen. (This isn’t a bad thing, and you can definitely play with it, but just for your information, that’s where my mind went.)
P.S., if I’ve got this right, this piece is a work of fan fiction. I am not familiar with the Criminal Minds series, so please forgive my ignorance wherever relevant. Excellent stuff, Shain. Keep writing!
Thank you so much, it’s my favorite tv show, and after a chat, I thought to myself why to not try write my own episode. So I did, I had quite a good but exhausting time in trying to try to embody all the characters in the show and making them as true to the show as possible . Sometimes it required me to research facts so that are accurate in reality. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your input. This is a departure from what I usually write. So it was good to get out of my own head for a bit.
By the way the next bit was posted earlier today, maybe you could give it a read as well. You can find it here:
The “where did you learn biology from” bit is a little confusing, and I was a bit worried we were lost in the sauce, as it were, what with the sheer number of details involved, but you pulled it together in the end and left me satisfied and glad to have read it. I have a few more thoughts included below:
“The camera lingers on the heart. Too lifelike to be fake. Too quiet to be real.”
I like this scene ending; you use the medium (literature) fully to express something the visual TV medium couldn’t.
Rossi’s identifying that the unsub is “intent on mythology—not murder,” is a nice touch.
Scene 13 is very religious. I like it.
You do a good job of demonstrating that each character knows a lot, but that knowledge is limited to one or a few fields. Moreover, you nail the synergy required to piece together and solve a complex mystery.
The ending wasn’t unpredictable, but it was shocking. Well done.
This is so well written! I felt like I was watching Criminal Minds. Picturing their faces and Reid with his very special way of looking at evidence. Can’t wait for more! 💕
same!!! shain, you’ve made something haunting, tender, and wildly original. it doesn’t just echo criminal minds, but extends it. a slow-burn unraveling of identity through form and symbol. i’ll be back for every piece of this!
I will drop the rest by today , just might be a late night post. I was thinking that this could be on a separate publication where all the fans will come together and we’ll write new episodes together. Like our interpretation of the characters and their voices and relationships. I don’t know it’s just an idea. -Shain
i watched this episode in my head while i was reading it. lol you did a great job :) 🎀🔥💯
I’m glad you enjoyed it, i really tried. Think I got Reid’s cadence a little off but I am exhausted from 10 hours of formulation of ideas, hating them, restarting, writing, editing and posting. And the piece that made me smile was finding the theme song on Spotify. That took all of thirty seconds.🤷♂️Thanks Kry5tyn, i needed this. Just to get out of my own head a little bit. I’ll send you the collab notes tomorrow I’m exhausted. - Shain
CAUTION: Unsolicited Thoughts Incoming
Shain, I really liked this piece. It’s like a closet drama (if I’ve got that right), with characters that have distinct voices, and a literally metaphorical theme that piques my philosophical interest. Your opening hook section is an excellent opener, priming us for the scenes to come. I’ve included more thoughts below:
I’m not sure what “The BAU” is (whether you clarify in the opening or later in the piece is up to you, just letting you know).
Morgan’s clarification regarding molting (“Or bones”) is foreshadowing par excellence.
Scene two reads more like telling than showing. (Then again, it’s almost necessary at points given the form and that it’s the second scene.)
This line from Rossi is delightful: “It doesn’t scream panic—it whispers design.”
The metaphor trail JJ and Reid discover is an intriguing idea. It does have a bit of jargon that might risk losing less familiar readers. You might consider having a character ask for a more clear explanation. Prentiss does this to a certain extent towards the end of the scene.
You cruelly leave us on a cliffhanger (well done on that front). Overall, nice work. There are some moments where the metaphorical/symbolic/shedding/motif description gets a tad repetitive, but if you do a little trimming you’ve got yourself a gripping first part of something I think could be a most impressive work.
Also, just a heads up, when I read “SPF” anywhere, I immediately think of sunscreen. (This isn’t a bad thing, and you can definitely play with it, but just for your information, that’s where my mind went.)
P.S., if I’ve got this right, this piece is a work of fan fiction. I am not familiar with the Criminal Minds series, so please forgive my ignorance wherever relevant. Excellent stuff, Shain. Keep writing!
Thank you so much, it’s my favorite tv show, and after a chat, I thought to myself why to not try write my own episode. So I did, I had quite a good but exhausting time in trying to try to embody all the characters in the show and making them as true to the show as possible . Sometimes it required me to research facts so that are accurate in reality. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your input. This is a departure from what I usually write. So it was good to get out of my own head for a bit.
By the way the next bit was posted earlier today, maybe you could give it a read as well. You can find it here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/shainparwizwrites/p/molting-a-profile-in-echoes?r=5kvl08&utm_medium=ios
Thank you again.
-Shain
The pleasure and privilege are mine!
I just gave it a read.
The “where did you learn biology from” bit is a little confusing, and I was a bit worried we were lost in the sauce, as it were, what with the sheer number of details involved, but you pulled it together in the end and left me satisfied and glad to have read it. I have a few more thoughts included below:
“The camera lingers on the heart. Too lifelike to be fake. Too quiet to be real.”
I like this scene ending; you use the medium (literature) fully to express something the visual TV medium couldn’t.
Rossi’s identifying that the unsub is “intent on mythology—not murder,” is a nice touch.
Scene 13 is very religious. I like it.
You do a good job of demonstrating that each character knows a lot, but that knowledge is limited to one or a few fields. Moreover, you nail the synergy required to piece together and solve a complex mystery.
The ending wasn’t unpredictable, but it was shocking. Well done.
It was off a SMIDGE, but it still FELT like reid.
sleep well Shain. Cant wait to collab!
You're welcome for the distraction 💯
This is so well written! I felt like I was watching Criminal Minds. Picturing their faces and Reid with his very special way of looking at evidence. Can’t wait for more! 💕
same!!! shain, you’ve made something haunting, tender, and wildly original. it doesn’t just echo criminal minds, but extends it. a slow-burn unraveling of identity through form and symbol. i’ll be back for every piece of this!
Me too! 💕
I will drop the rest by today , just might be a late night post. I was thinking that this could be on a separate publication where all the fans will come together and we’ll write new episodes together. Like our interpretation of the characters and their voices and relationships. I don’t know it’s just an idea. -Shain
Deeply felt 👍👍👍