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Kry5tyn's avatar

i watched this episode in my head while i was reading it. lol you did a great job :) 🎀🔥💯

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Micah J. Marrapodi's avatar

CAUTION: Unsolicited Thoughts Incoming

Shain, I really liked this piece. It’s like a closet drama (if I’ve got that right), with characters that have distinct voices, and a literally metaphorical theme that piques my philosophical interest. Your opening hook section is an excellent opener, priming us for the scenes to come. I’ve included more thoughts below:

I’m not sure what “The BAU” is (whether you clarify in the opening or later in the piece is up to you, just letting you know).

Morgan’s clarification regarding molting (“Or bones”) is foreshadowing par excellence.

Scene two reads more like telling than showing. (Then again, it’s almost necessary at points given the form and that it’s the second scene.)

This line from Rossi is delightful: “It doesn’t scream panic—it whispers design.”

The metaphor trail JJ and Reid discover is an intriguing idea. It does have a bit of jargon that might risk losing less familiar readers. You might consider having a character ask for a more clear explanation. Prentiss does this to a certain extent towards the end of the scene.

You cruelly leave us on a cliffhanger (well done on that front). Overall, nice work. There are some moments where the metaphorical/symbolic/shedding/motif description gets a tad repetitive, but if you do a little trimming you’ve got yourself a gripping first part of something I think could be a most impressive work.

Also, just a heads up, when I read “SPF” anywhere, I immediately think of sunscreen. (This isn’t a bad thing, and you can definitely play with it, but just for your information, that’s where my mind went.)

P.S., if I’ve got this right, this piece is a work of fan fiction. I am not familiar with the Criminal Minds series, so please forgive my ignorance wherever relevant. Excellent stuff, Shain. Keep writing!

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