The survival isn’t enough for me. But it is mine. And it’s all survivors have. Thank you for sharing from such a vulnerable place. It’s Inspiring to me. Because I’m a soul editor but I want to write raw and articulate myself better. Which you do so well. I am learning. That flow will come I hope. Hope and pray for it. Still doing the daily grind of getting through. Staying on top of my illness and trying not to be a burden to others.
You got this. Let’s work together I dont mind at all. Let’s really build each other up, cuz we all need the support. I truly believe in strength in numbers. Alright Lily I’ll catch you tomorrow I’m trying to order my body to sleep. -Shain
What I’ve tried today so far 30mg melatonin, cough syrup from the doctor, chamomile tea and also herbal Chinese tea and I still am staring at my ceiling in the dark. I tried binaural beats yesterday and it worked to get me to sleep but I got startled again and there’s no more sleep after that. I’ve even cut down on my last vice( tea with milk) .But thanks for the suggestion, i appreciate it-Shain
You haven’t failed. It’s ptsd. Nourishing the nervous system can take a long time and trying different things. (I’ve tried a lot). And what works for some may not work for others. Melatonin has issues I’ve read so I steer away. Nervine herbs can help. Like Lemon balm and passion flower etc. Meditation has often been suggested. I laugh. As if! My mind has a mind of its own. Talk therapy. Im done with that. It’s retraumatising. Though I will ring a ptsd line and have a good old vent. I’m trying medicinal cannabis oil for night. And gummies for day. That was hard for an ex stoner in recovery, but it’s turning out ok. No intoxication at all. So far so good. I still startle out of sleep sometimes. But not as much. The jolt gives an adrenaline rush which I then have to wait out. My body trying keep me safe. The getting to sleep is the hardest part for me. Hours and hours. It’s the memories that come when you’re vulnerable. We are desperate to sleep and escape them. But that urgency to sleep makes our nerves on edge and sleep more elusive. All that said. I’m very grateful to be sober and alive. It doesn’t take away the suffering. But things were worse once upon a time. Being pro active every day with my self care. Even just in a small way. It can even be like today. I was overwhelmed by this bill and this phone call. And it put me in a state. So I did none of it. Put me first. Stress is the enemy here. I’m choosing to do things at my own pace. Calming my farm during the day helps at night too. Not letting the temperature rise. Don’t get me wrong. I suffer every day. And have little support. I cough all day as I have COPD. Anxiety attacks come out of nowhere. Meltdowns. Crying spells. Sometimes about seemingly small things. But it’s triggers and my reactions that I don’t have a handle on. I don’t have answers to any of this. It’s overwhelming and too much. I just know that living one day at a time is the only way through each day. And putting YOURSELF first. Always. Self discipline helps but it’s hard when you’re wired a certain way. TED talk #2. 😄 Chamomile tea will be served at the back ☕️ 🫖
Hello shain you probably wil have lots of suggestions from people trying to help you, heres another , it helped me alot take it with a pinch of salt I got a Dog !, he helped me in so many ways , truly hes gone now, Do you have believes? They are powerful things Well in my world They are but my world isnt yours and my Perception isnt yours ,Wat do you think about the saying Its not what happens to us But our perception of what happened ?wont go into any of it cause it can become preaching , anyway just writing it ALL out is sooo helpful , So WELL done for even going there and in such a graceful manner if you had a distraction(DOG) I know it would probably help you as ive experienced it, they also say what we focus on us what we get so if thats true what else could you do for distraction ??? Im sure you must have looked at something , any way like you say, You are Stil Here, maybe thats because you can help someone else??
I would get a pet but my mum is terrified of animal so I don’t want to stress her out. I tried once before with my cat and she was so scared to come out of her room and also afraid that the cat who I called (Conor), would sneak into her room. So for her sake I had to ask someone to adopt my pet.
The survival isn’t enough for me. But it is mine. And it’s all survivors have. Thank you for sharing from such a vulnerable place. It’s Inspiring to me. Because I’m a soul editor but I want to write raw and articulate myself better. Which you do so well. I am learning. That flow will come I hope. Hope and pray for it. Still doing the daily grind of getting through. Staying on top of my illness and trying not to be a burden to others.
You got this. Let’s work together I dont mind at all. Let’s really build each other up, cuz we all need the support. I truly believe in strength in numbers. Alright Lily I’ll catch you tomorrow I’m trying to order my body to sleep. -Shain
Yes to strength in numbers. Hope you get some rest. I’ve been putting on frequency music on YouTube. Sometimes it helps. 👋
What I’ve tried today so far 30mg melatonin, cough syrup from the doctor, chamomile tea and also herbal Chinese tea and I still am staring at my ceiling in the dark. I tried binaural beats yesterday and it worked to get me to sleep but I got startled again and there’s no more sleep after that. I’ve even cut down on my last vice( tea with milk) .But thanks for the suggestion, i appreciate it-Shain
You haven’t failed. It’s ptsd. Nourishing the nervous system can take a long time and trying different things. (I’ve tried a lot). And what works for some may not work for others. Melatonin has issues I’ve read so I steer away. Nervine herbs can help. Like Lemon balm and passion flower etc. Meditation has often been suggested. I laugh. As if! My mind has a mind of its own. Talk therapy. Im done with that. It’s retraumatising. Though I will ring a ptsd line and have a good old vent. I’m trying medicinal cannabis oil for night. And gummies for day. That was hard for an ex stoner in recovery, but it’s turning out ok. No intoxication at all. So far so good. I still startle out of sleep sometimes. But not as much. The jolt gives an adrenaline rush which I then have to wait out. My body trying keep me safe. The getting to sleep is the hardest part for me. Hours and hours. It’s the memories that come when you’re vulnerable. We are desperate to sleep and escape them. But that urgency to sleep makes our nerves on edge and sleep more elusive. All that said. I’m very grateful to be sober and alive. It doesn’t take away the suffering. But things were worse once upon a time. Being pro active every day with my self care. Even just in a small way. It can even be like today. I was overwhelmed by this bill and this phone call. And it put me in a state. So I did none of it. Put me first. Stress is the enemy here. I’m choosing to do things at my own pace. Calming my farm during the day helps at night too. Not letting the temperature rise. Don’t get me wrong. I suffer every day. And have little support. I cough all day as I have COPD. Anxiety attacks come out of nowhere. Meltdowns. Crying spells. Sometimes about seemingly small things. But it’s triggers and my reactions that I don’t have a handle on. I don’t have answers to any of this. It’s overwhelming and too much. I just know that living one day at a time is the only way through each day. And putting YOURSELF first. Always. Self discipline helps but it’s hard when you’re wired a certain way. TED talk #2. 😄 Chamomile tea will be served at the back ☕️ 🫖
Thanks Lily , I managed to get 4 hours and 21 minutes. Feels good. Thanks for the TED talk as well! - Shain
4 hours is a good stint. 👍 And you’re welcome. Put me on a real stage and I’d die from nerves. Hope you have a good morning. Day. Evening.
Hello shain you probably wil have lots of suggestions from people trying to help you, heres another , it helped me alot take it with a pinch of salt I got a Dog !, he helped me in so many ways , truly hes gone now, Do you have believes? They are powerful things Well in my world They are but my world isnt yours and my Perception isnt yours ,Wat do you think about the saying Its not what happens to us But our perception of what happened ?wont go into any of it cause it can become preaching , anyway just writing it ALL out is sooo helpful , So WELL done for even going there and in such a graceful manner if you had a distraction(DOG) I know it would probably help you as ive experienced it, they also say what we focus on us what we get so if thats true what else could you do for distraction ??? Im sure you must have looked at something , any way like you say, You are Stil Here, maybe thats because you can help someone else??
Hi Eileen, thank you for your comment.
I would get a pet but my mum is terrified of animal so I don’t want to stress her out. I tried once before with my cat and she was so scared to come out of her room and also afraid that the cat who I called (Conor), would sneak into her room. So for her sake I had to ask someone to adopt my pet.
Extremely well written message that deserves to be read
Damn. Powerful. I can relate.
Thank you Shain.
Thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it.