Thanks so much mate, sorry if it was messy this was unplanned and written in frustration. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I appreciate you. - Shain
It felt good to read both the messy and the polished sides because that’s what makes us human. We don’t have to show up at 100% all the time. Sometimes, showing up at 60% is more than enough. It’s how we stay grounded, how we keep from burning out or being too hard on ourselves.
I’m willing to try anything at this point. I just want to get healthy again. And thank you for telling me which part of the piece that you liked. I appreciate this .- Shain
Ok get ready for the MANY tactics that i've used in the past to ensure a good night's rest. With my favourites, at the top.
1. Deep diaphramatic breathing. Eyes closed, long inhales, even slower exhales. Try to do this while gently clearing the mind of thoughts for about 20 minutes at least before bed, and for shorter periods throughout the day.
2. Tibetan singing bowl. I got a mini. The concentration required to keep the tone going because you have to circle your drumstick around the bowl to do that, is enough to clear your mind and the music is very soothing. When you can't sleep, rather than get frustrated, just hit the bell a couple of times and play it for about a minute or so. Do this every time you feel like you are getting frustrated because you can't sleep - with deep breathing if that's not too much multi-tasking.
3. Yoga and qi gong or any type of exercise that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. Long meditative walks do that, too.
4. Try to create a regular routine for yourself so your body become familiar with a rhythm. 'This is when i eat.' "This is when I work'. It is boring! And impossible to maintain for me. But if i'm having trouble sleeping, I try.
5. Stop stimulating activity around 7 - 8pm including any type of electronic screentime. This includes eating and exercise.
6. Make sure your bedroom is plain and uncluttered and very dark for sleep.
7. Have a very boring and plain diet until you start sleeping better. Don't give your digestion any more work than it needs until you are more balanced again. Definitely avoid caffeine.
8. Journal. If anxiety or certain thoughts are keeping you up at night throw them outta your head and onto paper - better in the day than night, if writing them aggravates you more. Two types of journalling: thoughtful and soulsearching or spewing rants where you don't care if it makes any sense. Both styles are very cathartic!
9. Prob most annoying and challenging one: be kind to yourself. Try not to judge yourself harshly.
I wouldn't try to adopt all of this at once. Maybe try one of two to see if helps and add another if you feel like it's ok for you. Hope this helps! :-)
Hey lyw, thank you for these tips and actually some of the advice you have provided, I have not heard before. I really appreciate this and you. 🙏-Shain
This speaks to the incomprehensible pain which is experienced in the mind, and the longing for peace and quiet which goes with it. A very powerful Psalm of suffering. I salute you.
Hey David, thanks so much for saying that. I was suffering and the guy beside me was coughing like a hyena and since I was in the cheaper wards the nurses didn’t provide much help. So there I was, weak, tired, unable to sleep and breathing was hard due to my bronchitis. So as always I turn to writing, my one safe space ever since I was ten. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you. - Shain.
Hey Kry, it is always nice to have someone connect with my pieces, especially this one as I didn’t expect that it would have these many eyes on it. It was just me basically fighting back my frustration and worries the only way that is in my control was words. The one thing that’s been with me since I was ten. Thanks for reading and staying around.-Shain
Hi Kry, I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. At this point I don’t think I can I’ve been journaling since I was 10( my English teacher made that mandatory so I wrote garbage in the one to submit daily but i started my own journal where my innermost thoughts were stored. And I still do the pen and paper journals to this day because I find it comforting. That task by my English teacher stuck with me for decades after and I’m still doing it. He was really cool, cuz I think he saw the quiet kid that doesn’t really engage well with others especially after I lost my dad , I was struggling to make sense of everything. So he introduced me to Catcher in the rye, Hubert Selby Jr and other greats. I always wondered what happened to him. He gave me support in a way that resonated with me deeply through books, whilst my school was asking me to speak with therapists. I was already socially awkward and i witnessed my dad pass on beside me while we were watching a game of football. The therapist didn’t work out. But my English teacher I’ll never forget what he did for me. A small gesture of books and no pressure on me to have to share what I was feeling.And i appreciated that. To this day. So I will not stop writing, I hope you will stay with me - Shain
Thank you so much. I always thought that if my words can reach just one person to make them feel less alone, I’m more than happy. Thank you so much for saying you feel it. That was the intention. Catch you tomorrow I really got to try and sleep cuz my body is tired but my mind is thinking of next week what I’m going to do with my special needs students. But if I don’t recover I won’t be able to get there. And management already told me that I have two weeks to show that I can be counted on, I got a little irritated by that and said yep, I planned this whole bronchitis thing didn’t I? Wasted my money got to the emergency room twice and countless visits to the doctor because I enjoy lining their pockets right. Not because I have a39.7 degree fever and bronchitis and I can’t breathe right. It’s not the smartest thing to say but they really got to me, like I have to show that I can be counted on, like really , do you think I’d wanna be this sick. Oh well, I’ll just have to take what’s coming. Good night Kry, catch you tomorrow. -Shain
have you thought of trying natural remedies... i swear by raw garlic, oregano, onion oil ... its an antiviral, antibacterial, antiinflammatory, antifungal ... im "not allowed" to say that stuff, but you sound miserable and there are better ways to recover 🎀 i dont mean to sound pushy, but i would like to see you well.
wow!! so good and it felt really readable although longer than the poems i usually read. never apologize for your poetry being messy, taking time to understand it it’s the best part of reading
Hi Lara, I don’t know what to say at this point, I’m just so humbled that something written out of frustration and tiredness with minimal edits is reaching out to people. Thank you so much-Shain
Thank you for sharing this Shain. It is wonderful and I completely understand the need to just write to get shit out of your head. I'm still learning how to do this without needing someone to react to it. This was raw and hit home with me.
Hey Katelyn, I can only say that I’m glad that it resonated with you. I hope you are well and aren’t ill. Please stay around if you can. Thanks for giving me your time. - Shain
I used to struggle with insomnia, sometimes going the whole night without falling asleep. Slowly my psychiatrist has increased my dosages of Trazodone until now I’m up to 200 mg taken about an hour before bedtime and my sleep problems are almost gone completely. Insomnia sucks.
I’m trying 30 mg(it’s as much as my stomach can tolerate)of melatonin. It usually works. But since I’ve been ill and unsure about my job and future I have become even more hyper vigilant and the slightest amount of noise wakes me up and when that happens I will not fall asleep again no matter how sick or tired I am. Thank you for reaching out. - Shain
I’m so happy that this reached out to you. It’s been so hard to get back to sleep so I’m really hoping for tonight plus the exhaustion will just knock me out. I really don’t care at this point. But thanks again for reading this piece- Shain
Got two hours last night and all I did was stare at the ceiling and hear myself struggling to breathe properly due to my chest infection/bronchitis. But hopefully I’ll get at least 4hours in today. When sleep is a rarity, I realised that a couple of hours makes a massive difference.-Shain
Definitely resonates. Insomnia is a bitch. Appreciation for your heart spill braveheart. I am tackling perfectionism and allowing my soul to spark. Thanks for the inspiration.
Me also. I live with chronic illness and my energy is low. As I grow older, I can’t seem to see the whole day out. But every day is different. Sometimes I’ll take naps but can go on for too long (I try and set alarms) and I feel groggy and awful when waking from a too long nap. Then I can’t sleep until 3-4 am. It’s maddening! I can be crocheting at 3am! I’m a recovering addict also & healing from a pretty shitty set of life circumstances. I understand self medicating and withdrawing from the world to survive. Poetry helped me find myself in many ways. But was also an escape too and a place to hide in. Depression is default and ptsd and fresh grief also. And so I go on into life in an existential daze. When people like you write like you do, it makes me feel less alone. The reason I am so open about my life, is I see so many holding onto heavy stories, including myself. And my hope is that others will be encouraged to put the shame down and show up anyway as a messy broken person. Own it. And hopefully it will give others permission to share their heavy stories too. Pain often lightens when we speak about it. With the right people of course. Thank you for coming to my TED talk (I swear I was a teacher in another life) ☺️
I’m glad we could connect on so many level. I hope that you will stick around and stick with me on this series. And just being honest I would attend your TED talk. - Shain
I’ll be sure to watch out for more from your series. I tend to waffle on, ramble away. As an anxious Audhd, I will literally write stories for comments lol I love it when people do that for me, but hope I don’t overwhelm others, as the trauma spills are real and can sometimes turn chaotic and metaphor laden. Also. Thanks! I’ll put you on the TED list for a backstage pass so I can sign my book (of awkward poetry) 😂
Hi Hali. Thank you for saying this. I’m try my best. I hope you’ll stick around. I really appreciate you for commenting. I’ve got nothing at all today except resting and hope that I can get better soon so I can introduce some semblance of normalcy to my already chaotic laugh.- Shain
Thank you for sharing.
The rawness in this standout.
Thanks so much mate, sorry if it was messy this was unplanned and written in frustration. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I appreciate you. - Shain
It felt good to read both the messy and the polished sides because that’s what makes us human. We don’t have to show up at 100% all the time. Sometimes, showing up at 60% is more than enough. It’s how we stay grounded, how we keep from burning out or being too hard on ourselves.
Amen to that. I wholeheartedly agree.-Shain
Night time thoughts bring so many things to the pen. Thank you for sharing what it brought to you. Btw, there is beauty in the rawness!
Hey Chedia, thanks so much. I hope you’ll stick around-Shain
i love the start of this poem,
'Sleep
She drips from the ceiling
in untranslated lullabies,'
It's a winding falling poem to experience with you.
On a side note about insomnia, i have a few tips if you think you haven't already heard them all. :S You've probably already heard them all.
Hi Lyw
I’m willing to try anything at this point. I just want to get healthy again. And thank you for telling me which part of the piece that you liked. I appreciate this .- Shain
Ok get ready for the MANY tactics that i've used in the past to ensure a good night's rest. With my favourites, at the top.
1. Deep diaphramatic breathing. Eyes closed, long inhales, even slower exhales. Try to do this while gently clearing the mind of thoughts for about 20 minutes at least before bed, and for shorter periods throughout the day.
2. Tibetan singing bowl. I got a mini. The concentration required to keep the tone going because you have to circle your drumstick around the bowl to do that, is enough to clear your mind and the music is very soothing. When you can't sleep, rather than get frustrated, just hit the bell a couple of times and play it for about a minute or so. Do this every time you feel like you are getting frustrated because you can't sleep - with deep breathing if that's not too much multi-tasking.
3. Yoga and qi gong or any type of exercise that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. Long meditative walks do that, too.
4. Try to create a regular routine for yourself so your body become familiar with a rhythm. 'This is when i eat.' "This is when I work'. It is boring! And impossible to maintain for me. But if i'm having trouble sleeping, I try.
5. Stop stimulating activity around 7 - 8pm including any type of electronic screentime. This includes eating and exercise.
6. Make sure your bedroom is plain and uncluttered and very dark for sleep.
7. Have a very boring and plain diet until you start sleeping better. Don't give your digestion any more work than it needs until you are more balanced again. Definitely avoid caffeine.
8. Journal. If anxiety or certain thoughts are keeping you up at night throw them outta your head and onto paper - better in the day than night, if writing them aggravates you more. Two types of journalling: thoughtful and soulsearching or spewing rants where you don't care if it makes any sense. Both styles are very cathartic!
9. Prob most annoying and challenging one: be kind to yourself. Try not to judge yourself harshly.
I wouldn't try to adopt all of this at once. Maybe try one of two to see if helps and add another if you feel like it's ok for you. Hope this helps! :-)
Hey lyw, thank you for these tips and actually some of the advice you have provided, I have not heard before. I really appreciate this and you. 🙏-Shain
You may find these lyrics a little folky, but i think you'll like the poetry in the lyrics c/o Bob Dylan. Hope it soothes your insomnia:
"Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you
Though I know that evenin’s empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I’m branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street’s too dead for dreaming ..."
https://open.spotify.com/track/3RkQ3UwOyPqpIiIvGVewuU?si=c92ece8ca28147e8
This speaks to the incomprehensible pain which is experienced in the mind, and the longing for peace and quiet which goes with it. A very powerful Psalm of suffering. I salute you.
Hey David, thanks so much for saying that. I was suffering and the guy beside me was coughing like a hyena and since I was in the cheaper wards the nurses didn’t provide much help. So there I was, weak, tired, unable to sleep and breathing was hard due to my bronchitis. So as always I turn to writing, my one safe space ever since I was ten. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you. - Shain.
I so got you Shain. I know...One of the reasons I start to write as well. To let it out. You are doing so well
I’m trying my best to keep it together. Hope you find some peace as well.
Slowly slowly…Yes, actually my last piece, is about this darkness we past through. From my unsliped nights as well I write it. So we will get there.
dang i felt the weight of that in my chest. i love the way you write
Hey Kry, it is always nice to have someone connect with my pieces, especially this one as I didn’t expect that it would have these many eyes on it. It was just me basically fighting back my frustration and worries the only way that is in my control was words. The one thing that’s been with me since I was ten. Thanks for reading and staying around.-Shain
dont ever stop writing. please :)
Hi Kry, I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. At this point I don’t think I can I’ve been journaling since I was 10( my English teacher made that mandatory so I wrote garbage in the one to submit daily but i started my own journal where my innermost thoughts were stored. And I still do the pen and paper journals to this day because I find it comforting. That task by my English teacher stuck with me for decades after and I’m still doing it. He was really cool, cuz I think he saw the quiet kid that doesn’t really engage well with others especially after I lost my dad , I was struggling to make sense of everything. So he introduced me to Catcher in the rye, Hubert Selby Jr and other greats. I always wondered what happened to him. He gave me support in a way that resonated with me deeply through books, whilst my school was asking me to speak with therapists. I was already socially awkward and i witnessed my dad pass on beside me while we were watching a game of football. The therapist didn’t work out. But my English teacher I’ll never forget what he did for me. A small gesture of books and no pressure on me to have to share what I was feeling.And i appreciated that. To this day. So I will not stop writing, I hope you will stay with me - Shain
that teacher was a gateway, and im really glad he was able to reach you like he did!
you have a gift with words and theyre not just legible- we can FEEL them.
Thank you so much. I always thought that if my words can reach just one person to make them feel less alone, I’m more than happy. Thank you so much for saying you feel it. That was the intention. Catch you tomorrow I really got to try and sleep cuz my body is tired but my mind is thinking of next week what I’m going to do with my special needs students. But if I don’t recover I won’t be able to get there. And management already told me that I have two weeks to show that I can be counted on, I got a little irritated by that and said yep, I planned this whole bronchitis thing didn’t I? Wasted my money got to the emergency room twice and countless visits to the doctor because I enjoy lining their pockets right. Not because I have a39.7 degree fever and bronchitis and I can’t breathe right. It’s not the smartest thing to say but they really got to me, like I have to show that I can be counted on, like really , do you think I’d wanna be this sick. Oh well, I’ll just have to take what’s coming. Good night Kry, catch you tomorrow. -Shain
have you thought of trying natural remedies... i swear by raw garlic, oregano, onion oil ... its an antiviral, antibacterial, antiinflammatory, antifungal ... im "not allowed" to say that stuff, but you sound miserable and there are better ways to recover 🎀 i dont mean to sound pushy, but i would like to see you well.
wow!! so good and it felt really readable although longer than the poems i usually read. never apologize for your poetry being messy, taking time to understand it it’s the best part of reading
Hi Lara, I don’t know what to say at this point, I’m just so humbled that something written out of frustration and tiredness with minimal edits is reaching out to people. Thank you so much-Shain
This was brilliantly written
Hey thanks so much, it means the world to me, especially on this piece cuz I wrote it while I was sick. Thanks you very very much.-Shain
Thank you for sharing this Shain. It is wonderful and I completely understand the need to just write to get shit out of your head. I'm still learning how to do this without needing someone to react to it. This was raw and hit home with me.
Really love this! “with ink in my veins.” Yes!
I did finally find this piece! 💕
Thanks so much, it was a line in my journal that i wanted to use but was waiting for the right time. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading-Shain
Wow, this gave me goosebumps. So much power in your writings
Hey Katelyn, I can only say that I’m glad that it resonated with you. I hope you are well and aren’t ill. Please stay around if you can. Thanks for giving me your time. - Shain
I used to struggle with insomnia, sometimes going the whole night without falling asleep. Slowly my psychiatrist has increased my dosages of Trazodone until now I’m up to 200 mg taken about an hour before bedtime and my sleep problems are almost gone completely. Insomnia sucks.
I’m trying 30 mg(it’s as much as my stomach can tolerate)of melatonin. It usually works. But since I’ve been ill and unsure about my job and future I have become even more hyper vigilant and the slightest amount of noise wakes me up and when that happens I will not fall asleep again no matter how sick or tired I am. Thank you for reaching out. - Shain
I adored this
I’m so happy that this reached out to you. It’s been so hard to get back to sleep so I’m really hoping for tonight plus the exhaustion will just knock me out. I really don’t care at this point. But thanks again for reading this piece- Shain
Of course. Subscribed too, I can relate to a lot of your stuff. Best of luck getting to sleek tonight
Got two hours last night and all I did was stare at the ceiling and hear myself struggling to breathe properly due to my chest infection/bronchitis. But hopefully I’ll get at least 4hours in today. When sleep is a rarity, I realised that a couple of hours makes a massive difference.-Shain
Brilliant 👏
You are too kind. It’s ramblings of a tired and sick person who couldn’t get back to sleep. I am however, very happy that you enjoyed it. - Shain
You are an amazing writer!! Don't forget it :)
Thank you so much. I appreciate it. - Shain
Definitely resonates. Insomnia is a bitch. Appreciation for your heart spill braveheart. I am tackling perfectionism and allowing my soul to spark. Thanks for the inspiration.
I am easily startled so when a noise woke me up, I couldn’t go back to sleep. Thank you so much for reaching out- Shain
Me also. I live with chronic illness and my energy is low. As I grow older, I can’t seem to see the whole day out. But every day is different. Sometimes I’ll take naps but can go on for too long (I try and set alarms) and I feel groggy and awful when waking from a too long nap. Then I can’t sleep until 3-4 am. It’s maddening! I can be crocheting at 3am! I’m a recovering addict also & healing from a pretty shitty set of life circumstances. I understand self medicating and withdrawing from the world to survive. Poetry helped me find myself in many ways. But was also an escape too and a place to hide in. Depression is default and ptsd and fresh grief also. And so I go on into life in an existential daze. When people like you write like you do, it makes me feel less alone. The reason I am so open about my life, is I see so many holding onto heavy stories, including myself. And my hope is that others will be encouraged to put the shame down and show up anyway as a messy broken person. Own it. And hopefully it will give others permission to share their heavy stories too. Pain often lightens when we speak about it. With the right people of course. Thank you for coming to my TED talk (I swear I was a teacher in another life) ☺️
I’m glad we could connect on so many level. I hope that you will stick around and stick with me on this series. And just being honest I would attend your TED talk. - Shain
I’ll be sure to watch out for more from your series. I tend to waffle on, ramble away. As an anxious Audhd, I will literally write stories for comments lol I love it when people do that for me, but hope I don’t overwhelm others, as the trauma spills are real and can sometimes turn chaotic and metaphor laden. Also. Thanks! I’ll put you on the TED list for a backstage pass so I can sign my book (of awkward poetry) 😂
It’s totally fine. Thank you!! I’ll be waiting for the invite.-Shain
Hi Hali. Thank you for saying this. I’m try my best. I hope you’ll stick around. I really appreciate you for commenting. I’ve got nothing at all today except resting and hope that I can get better soon so I can introduce some semblance of normalcy to my already chaotic laugh.- Shain