Hi Sandra we were to a point. He was the disciplinarian of my family so he was has stern but not mean , harsh but fair, intense but caring. I remember little things we used to do, like how since I was 8 if my year end grades were good, he’d reward me with free rein of the largest bookstore in Singapore at the time. I could buy whatever books I wanted and he’d let me no questions asked about my reading habits especially when I grew into my teenage years. I was reading anything from poetry to fiction to behavior profiling books( I didnt know it at the time but Criminal Minds was coming) I just wanted to understand myself and whole slew of others topics. And there was this popular book series in Singapore around that time called True Singapore Ghost Stories and him being a keen reader himself would often buy me the latest one when he chanced upon it when he went book shopping himself. That was his way of showing he cared. I didn’t have to ask he just gave. This is what made me lovedto read in the first place, I was constantly amazed cuz i didn’t know you could say something in a manner that is not straight forward but having a bigger effect. To this day, every time I read a book my mind goes back to him.
The rest is minuscule things but after he passed I realised how much he was carrying, running a company as if it was his own to provide not only for his family but his entire team’s family as well. My mum told me that when she met him he was a welder and he kept improving himself and eventually got his masters in business. Relatives told me how he would just help them when they were struggling without announcing it. But they knew it was him. I know the myth of the man and I wished he was still here so I could learn. But life doesn’t always give you what you want, life works on its own terms. That’s why I don’t use my surname for decades now. I use my middle name instead. I felt and still feel that I haven’t earned the right to carry that name. So yeah I loved him most definitely, even when we fought because I was growing into my teens and I was honestly a pain to be around. But he still took it, flipped it back and left me angry but now when I reflect back on things he said to me, it was as if he already knew that his time was short, so he tried to impart what he could. And I’m remember them to this day. I try to honour and expand on them now, hoping he’d be proud. - Shain
Thank you for sharing that. I’m really sorry about your dad. A decade might pass, but the ache doesn’t always follow the calendar. Some days are harder than others, even if no one else notices.
You’re right, death is never easy. But somehow, the love always stays loud, even in silence
I just had to memorialise it to keep myself in check and in case I ever come close to forgetting there’s something that’s tangible that I wrote about it. Thank for reading Sae, truly. -Shain
It sounds like you two were really close. So sorry you had to lose him. 💕
Hi Sandra we were to a point. He was the disciplinarian of my family so he was has stern but not mean , harsh but fair, intense but caring. I remember little things we used to do, like how since I was 8 if my year end grades were good, he’d reward me with free rein of the largest bookstore in Singapore at the time. I could buy whatever books I wanted and he’d let me no questions asked about my reading habits especially when I grew into my teenage years. I was reading anything from poetry to fiction to behavior profiling books( I didnt know it at the time but Criminal Minds was coming) I just wanted to understand myself and whole slew of others topics. And there was this popular book series in Singapore around that time called True Singapore Ghost Stories and him being a keen reader himself would often buy me the latest one when he chanced upon it when he went book shopping himself. That was his way of showing he cared. I didn’t have to ask he just gave. This is what made me lovedto read in the first place, I was constantly amazed cuz i didn’t know you could say something in a manner that is not straight forward but having a bigger effect. To this day, every time I read a book my mind goes back to him.
The rest is minuscule things but after he passed I realised how much he was carrying, running a company as if it was his own to provide not only for his family but his entire team’s family as well. My mum told me that when she met him he was a welder and he kept improving himself and eventually got his masters in business. Relatives told me how he would just help them when they were struggling without announcing it. But they knew it was him. I know the myth of the man and I wished he was still here so I could learn. But life doesn’t always give you what you want, life works on its own terms. That’s why I don’t use my surname for decades now. I use my middle name instead. I felt and still feel that I haven’t earned the right to carry that name. So yeah I loved him most definitely, even when we fought because I was growing into my teens and I was honestly a pain to be around. But he still took it, flipped it back and left me angry but now when I reflect back on things he said to me, it was as if he already knew that his time was short, so he tried to impart what he could. And I’m remember them to this day. I try to honour and expand on them now, hoping he’d be proud. - Shain
Thanks for sharing! I was just thinking about my dad who passed away almost a decade ago. Death is never easy.
Hi Amina,
Thank you for sharing that. I’m really sorry about your dad. A decade might pass, but the ache doesn’t always follow the calendar. Some days are harder than others, even if no one else notices.
You’re right, death is never easy. But somehow, the love always stays loud, even in silence
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you.
- Shain
💜
It’s so hard this grief, no words can describe the endless ache.
Thank you for sharing Shain.
I feel your Dad would be proud of what you’ve written.
And your mum too. Go easy.
Hi Lily,
Thank you for saying that. Grief has a way of stretching time and silencing language, but somehow your words cut through that.
I hope you’re being gentle with yourself too. And if my mum or dad ever see these pages, I hope they feel peace, not pain.
—Shain
Thank you for sharing Shain.
I just had to memorialise it to keep myself in check and in case I ever come close to forgetting there’s something that’s tangible that I wrote about it. Thank for reading Sae, truly. -Shain