Thank you, dear Shain, thank you for, again and as always, writing the truth, or more specifically a truth so similar to what I'm living with that I can see it as my own truth as well. Somehow, and in an extremely sad way, it kind of helps to know that I am not the only one being dumped like trash as if I never existed as soon as I dare confide "I'm hurting" to someone I trusted. Someone I thought was my friend as much as I was his or hers. I know better, now. In friendship, love, or actually almost everywhere there's a line everyone can cross to reach out - everyone but me. So I keep to myself, and when I reach the point of implosion, I find myself suddenly drowning (alone) in sobs, guilt, shame, and guilt again. And self-hatred... The only place where I can find a 'human listener' is through the national suicide hotline. How pathetic. I quit trusting like others quit smoking, and for the same reasons : it's bad for your health. Can you imagine ? Trusting will cause damages that can't be fixed. Just like malignant tumors. Yuck.
Hi Angelique, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I agree sometimes this process hurts a lot. There’s also liberation in this situation. The ones that left, the ones that promised to stay no matter what and then disappeared at the first sign of trouble, we didn’t really need them in the first place. The shame is theirs, not ours. There’s a reason I keep a really small circle, because the people inside it actually mean what they say. The rest who left promised so much but delivered nothing. So I sit with the few that stuck around and am content with that. And sometimes, that’s way more than enough. Thank you for always being around. -Shain
Hi Sandi. I don’t have children of my own, so I won’t pretend to fully understand that kind of loss. But I do know what it’s like to be left, and how deeply it can lodge in the body. I used to numb that pain with alcohol. These days I try to live smaller and more honestly, with a circle where we can lean on each other without judgment.
I’m really sorry you’ve had to carry that kind of heartbreak, especially after hoping things were different again. I won’t offer answers where I don’t have them, only that your pain makes sense, and you’re not weak for feeling it.
I hope you’re taking care of yourself as best you can. And apologies for the slow reply…I’m nursing a sore knee after being chased by a very determined rooster on a walk.
Thank you Shain. Recently I had first hand experience of your sermon- They loved me until I needed love back. Have been ill all over Christmas and New Year. I was alone and house bound yet no one called to see how I was. Made me think about love and meaningful connections!
Thank you, dear Shain, thank you for, again and as always, writing the truth, or more specifically a truth so similar to what I'm living with that I can see it as my own truth as well. Somehow, and in an extremely sad way, it kind of helps to know that I am not the only one being dumped like trash as if I never existed as soon as I dare confide "I'm hurting" to someone I trusted. Someone I thought was my friend as much as I was his or hers. I know better, now. In friendship, love, or actually almost everywhere there's a line everyone can cross to reach out - everyone but me. So I keep to myself, and when I reach the point of implosion, I find myself suddenly drowning (alone) in sobs, guilt, shame, and guilt again. And self-hatred... The only place where I can find a 'human listener' is through the national suicide hotline. How pathetic. I quit trusting like others quit smoking, and for the same reasons : it's bad for your health. Can you imagine ? Trusting will cause damages that can't be fixed. Just like malignant tumors. Yuck.
Hi Angelique, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I agree sometimes this process hurts a lot. There’s also liberation in this situation. The ones that left, the ones that promised to stay no matter what and then disappeared at the first sign of trouble, we didn’t really need them in the first place. The shame is theirs, not ours. There’s a reason I keep a really small circle, because the people inside it actually mean what they say. The rest who left promised so much but delivered nothing. So I sit with the few that stuck around and am content with that. And sometimes, that’s way more than enough. Thank you for always being around. -Shain
It’s okay Sandi, I’m glad I could make you laugh. It was such a surreal moment that upon reflection, I had to laugh as well-Shain
Hi Sandi. I don’t have children of my own, so I won’t pretend to fully understand that kind of loss. But I do know what it’s like to be left, and how deeply it can lodge in the body. I used to numb that pain with alcohol. These days I try to live smaller and more honestly, with a circle where we can lean on each other without judgment.
I’m really sorry you’ve had to carry that kind of heartbreak, especially after hoping things were different again. I won’t offer answers where I don’t have them, only that your pain makes sense, and you’re not weak for feeling it.
I hope you’re taking care of yourself as best you can. And apologies for the slow reply…I’m nursing a sore knee after being chased by a very determined rooster on a walk.
-Shain
I am a lighthouse for other peoples storms, you summed up most of my life in a terrific sentence
Thank you Shain. Recently I had first hand experience of your sermon- They loved me until I needed love back. Have been ill all over Christmas and New Year. I was alone and house bound yet no one called to see how I was. Made me think about love and meaningful connections!
Yeah. That’s the part that stays.
When the person you thought would step in just… doesn’t.
I don’t think people understand how much that changes you…not just the hurt, but the way you learn to carry things differently after.
I’m sorry you were left holding it alone.
—Shain